A year ago today my husband, Tyler, and I would receive news that would forever change our lives. Sunday, June 1, 2014 started off as any other Sunday would. Tyler and I got ourselves ready for our normal 11 o'clock church service, stopped by Starbucks on the way for our weekly coffee, then made our way to the church. After church we did our normal Sunday shopping then headed home. I fell asleep on our couch. No big deal, right? Huge deal for me..I never sleep after caffeine I am always wired. I jumped from the couch, walked hastily into what was then our office and told Tyler that I was going to the store to buy pregnancy tests; all the while trying to convince him that I wasn't pregnant. HA! Dollar General was the closest store, so thats where I bought the test. By now you can guess that the test was positive! WHAT?! We were going to be parents?
Tyler and I had only been married for a little over five months at this point and we were planning to wait 3-5 years before trying to become pregnant. I was in shock by the news and to say that I was upset would be an understatement! I was not ready for a child, I wanted to enjoy my husband and I liked life just the way it was. How could I have a child when I am so selfish? Why am I upset that I am pregnant when so many people pray for this on a daily basis? So many thoughts ran through my head. God had a plan, and as I have really begun to see over the last year God's plan is much bigger and better than any "plan" I have. God has a funny way of making you realize that you are not in control, He is.
After the initial shock of pregnancy I began to realize that this was the most special birthday gift I would ever receive. One of the greatest blessings from God.
Fast forward a year and here I am writing this blog post. Our daughter, Lillian (Lilly), is almost four months old and our lives have changed. I am no longer that person with selfish thoughts, I know what it truly means to love selflessly, God is changing my heart and I LOVE my life as a mama.
I digress some here. God has always been very important in my life and I have always been a believer. I went to church with my grandparents, family, and friends when I was a child. I attended youth group, discipleship events, summer camps throughout the years, but if I'm being honest here a lot of this was social and not because of my love for Christ. I was baptized at the age of 12. When I went off to college my relationship with God slowly slid away. Daily prayer time turned into every other day, then into every other week and then to only when life got tough. I turned from God to earthly idols, I thought happiness was in the designer jeans I wore or nights out with friends consuming alcohol. I now understand true joy is only by having a personal relationship with The Lord.
What does this have to do with pregnancy? "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you"; Deuteronomy 31:6. This verse is especially important to me because God never left me, he was just waiting for me to turn to him. Getting back into church and scripture was very important to me when I graduated college. I knew that I wanted a Christ centered marriage, that I wanted my future children to know God. When I found out I was pregnant I knew that my relationship with Christ needed some work. Reading the bible and knowing the stories is not enough, I needed to work on knowing the God of the bible and letting his word live in my heart. How can I teach my unborn child how to study God best when I don't know how to? This is something that I will be working on until the day that I die, but God used my pregnancy to light a fire in my heart again. I want to eat of the word constantly. For the first time in my life I am about to begin working on memorizing scripture over the next year. With a little help from my Father it will be done!
My life is forever changed because I became a mother, God knew I needed a child, even when I had no idea. I can only imagine the immensity of God's love for his children. The selfless love I feel for my child can not even begin to compare, but I do get a little taste each and every day that I get to spend with Lilly.
-Yes, I know my first post is all over the place. I promise next time it will be more focused!
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